What Happened Here?
by Idon'tknowyet
Summary: They all probably thought that no matter how bad it got and even though she had practically no friends her drive to succeed would get her through anything. Obviously, they were wrong and so now the task has been given to Kurt to find out what happened.
1. Chapter 1

AN: I haven't written anything, (fanfiction or otherwise), in months and this little, depressing, plot bunny popped into my head when I heard the "You were here for me? You weren't here for me" line on a show. The rest just spiraled out. Probably going to be a pretty strong Kurt/Rachel friendship formation here but no romance that I can see going on.

To most people it probably seemed shocking that she tried to kill herself. They all probably thought that no matter how bad it got and even though she had practically no friends her drive to succeed would get her through anything. Even if she did try Rachel Berry was such a perfectionist that she'd succeed and not be found "just in the nick of time". Obviously, they were wrong and so now the task has been given to Kurt to find out what happened.

Kurt hates the hospital because it reminds him that some things can't be fixed with a makeover and gossip. This hospital is cold and grey and there are no Broadway musical numbers blaring from the rooms so Rachel must be going crazy, crazier, at least. He knew that the duty of coming to see her would be put to him; he wanted to come and talk to her, (for probably the first time ever). He wanted to hear that it wasn't his fault and the fact that he helped the others periodically shun her played no part in her action. In the back of his mind he knows that won't happen; if she even speaks to him, (she ignored Mr. Shue completely two days ago), she'll make him run back to everyone crying, (Finn's story was both terrifying and heartbreaking).

Rachel Berry is staring out of the window when he enters the room. She's not singing or talking incessantly or planning her world domination via Broadway. The twiddling of her thumbs brings him to stare at her wrists and the thick bandages that cover them for a moment before looking back at her face. She spares him a brief glance before going back to staring at the rain outside which proceeds to freak him out just a little bit more. Quiet Rachel is scarier than screaming Rachel.

Eventually she speaks, "I knew you would be the next one to come. You're too curious."

"Yeah well, after Finn came back crying I figured it was my turn to take a crack at it. Maybe even figure out why you did what you did."

"Finn thought he deserved answers from me. He doesn't deserve anything after the way he's treated me. None of you do."

_(flashback)_

_"Just tell me Rach, why? I've been there for you all this time so why would you do this? Do you want a little more attention? What is going on? Don't you think I deserve to know?"_

_"You've been there for me? You haven't been there for me at all. You're just looking out for yourself this entire time. No one has been there for me. They make fun of me and use me to win competitions. Don't lie to me or try to convince me that you're the nice guy because I'm done with it. You deserve nothing from me. I want you to leave now."_

_"But Rachel…"_

_"I said to leave. I don't want to speak to you"_

_(end of flashback)_

"I may be bitter but I'm also finally being realistic. I had only two people to support me and they couldn't even know about how bad it got because I didn't want to worry them. That's no way to live."

"So you just decided to stop living?"

"I guess. Are you happy now? You've got your answers so you can go back to them and tell them all about how Rachel Berry was just sad and lonely."

"But that isn't it. There's more. I mean, it's you so there has to be more. Like you said I'm curious; I want to know what pushes Rachel Berry to slash her delicate wrists up. I'm not saying I deserve to know because obviously I don't but I want to know."

"Okay, I'll talk to you. What do you want to know?"


	2. Chapter 2

AN: I don't know if anyone is actually reading this but I just want to say sorry for such a short chapter. I'm getting ready to go out for the night and decided to just give this little tidbit of the story. Big thanks to Shino (), GoddessOfLove321, and especially kialarajay for reviewing.

* * *

Kurt was shocked that she actually agreed to talk to him. If they were in each other's shoes he would have kicked her out without even thinking. She agreed though, she actually said she would talk to him. Maybe there's a part of her that just wants someone to learn what happened and he was the first person to come who wasn't Finn or Mr. Schuester. She wants to be comforted and have someone listen just like anyone else. He could ask anything but if he asked the wrong thing then would she be pushed even farther over the edge.

They both stayed quiet for a time as Kurt tried to figure out what he needed to say next. Was there anything that would help her? Part of him was here for the selfish reasons of just wanting to know but another, growing part of him wanted to take of her because the Rachel in front of him was just sad. This wasn't the person that he wanted to come in and find. Kurt wanted the Rachel Berry who would throw a hissy fit and stomp out of the room not the one who just looked at him with her wide eyes.

"Why are you talking to me? Didn't you say that we didn't deserve to know?"

"Just because you don't deserve to know doesn't mean that I won't tell you. You at least don't believe that you do deserve anything from me. Do you?"

"No, I guess I don't. What about Broadway?"

"What do you mean what about Broadway?"

"Why would you do this? Isn't Broadway waiting for you to come up and take everyone by storm?"

"Sometimes a dream just isn't enough to get you through everything bad that surrounds you."

"But you were so driven. Nothing could get in your way. Nobody fazed you. Do you not remember this?"

"I remember being slushied and having you and everyone in glee talk about how wretched I was behind my back and in front of my face. I didn't just ignore it. Do you not realize that? I am human you know."

"I know you're human but..."

"Then why did you never treat me like it."


	3. Chapter 3

AN: I can't believe so many people are adding this to their alerts list. I know that this story is REALLY different than a lot of what is up, (and also slightly depressing), so thanks for taking a chance on it. I decided to go in a different direction this time and look at it from the "Gleeks" perspective. I know that some people might not like how much Brittany and Artie come to Rachel's defense but I feel like in that situation with that group of people they might be the ones who would immediately see what they'd done wrong, (and I just really like Brittany :)). Enjoy!

* * *

On the other side of the tiny Ohio town glee club was attempting to practice "Don't Stop Believing". No one was able to come up with any new, great songs to tackle so Mr. Schue just let them half-heartedly try this one with Tina taking Rachel's place.

"I'm sorry Mr. Schuester but this isn't going to work. It's just not syncing right."

"I know Mercedes but we can't just stop practicing. Regionals are only a couple of months away. You know what let's just call it a day; we don't have Kurt either so we'll try again next practice. Okay?"

After a few members said "okay" Will Schuester left his team without a glance back. Not even his head was into practicing today. Hell, he could barely teach his Spanish class the last couple of days. The image of Rachel Berry lying in that hospital bed was haunting his thoughts and dreams. She looked lifeless, completely broken and refused to even speak to him. He had to tell her fathers that he had no clue why she would try something like this and see how disappointed they were in the person who was supposed to help their daughter when they couldn't. By the time he got to school the next day Jacob Israel's blog had posted an update full of his suspicions as to why and if she actually did try to kill herself. The burden fell unto him to confirm to the glee club members that the rumor was in fact true. They were mostly silent until Finn stormed out and, as they later found out, went to the hospital to get verbally whipped by Rachel

. After that most of them dispersed until only Will was in the room, standing next to the piano where Rachel used to play after practice

_Back in the Glee room_

Santana was the first to bring it up, "I bet it was just for attention. She probably got sick of not getting any so she pulled this stunt."

"Shut up San you don't know that. You don't know anything about her. That was a horrible thing to say."

"And you do Brittany? It's not like you guys are going to the mall and improving her hideous wardrobe."

"She told me that I didn't have to worry about her trying to steal Finn away anymore."

"What Quinn?"

"Like a week ago, she came up to me and said that while she didn't even want him anymore I didn't have to worry about her ever coming in between us again. Except, you know, it was a Rachel Berry version; full of big words and rambling. Why didn't I see that something was up? Rachel Berry does not do things like that."

While the girl tried to comfort Quinn and tell her that she shouldn't feel guilty the guys shuffled their feet not knowing if they should stay or just leave.

"None of us should feel guilty. If she wanted to talk she could have come to us, after all we're a team. She's the one who chose to do it. Obviously she was pretty set in her decision so…"

"Do you honestly believe that Mercedes? DO YOU? We weren't a team to her. I tried to stay out of it all but even I could see that she wasn't part of the team. To everyone she was just something to be used so that we could win the competitions. So are we not guilty in this? At least for not paying enough attention?"

No one had ever heard Artie get this riled up about something. He was always the calm, rational one of the group. After a couple of seconds to process what had just occurred Mercedes shot back, "Exactly Artie, you stayed out of it. So why should you suddenly get all high and mighty? I don't remember you ever comforting her after she stormed out of the room."

"I'm not saying that I didn't do anything wrong. I understand that I'm guilty of ignoring the obvious conclusion to the events of the past couple of years. I understand that I'm guilty of never bothering to see if she was actually okay after you or someone else belittled her but honestly, even Quinn is seeing the wrong in all of this. Do you seriously not see how you might be guilty of something?"

Artie rolled out with a Rachel Berry worthy huff and eventually Tina followed after him because she was scared of what he might do. Brittany stood up and exited the tension filled room after telling everyone that she was going to visit Rachel in the hospital.

"Kurt is already there."

"Yeah, just because you guys wanted the gossip first hand. I want to actually see if she's okay. I may not have been the nicest person to her before but I'm not letting a second chance at having her as a friend escape me. You rarely get a third chance to fix anything."


	4. Chapter 4

AN: This took me a long time to get done with because I'm really lost with this story and I feel like it shows a bit in this chapter. I don't know what exactly led me to write this but I hold this story incredibly close to my heart because I've done exactly what my version of Rachel has done and maybe that's why it's so hard to write. I've been the girl who was in the hospital bed thinking only about how she couldn't even kill herself right. Those thoughts, even when you're no longer wanting to go through with them, stick with you for life. I'm sorry for the little downer note. Everyone who replied seemed to want some Puck and I love Puckleberry but I don't know what exactly to do with him. I think for a little while it has to be about Rachel and her journey. Hope that's okay.

-H

* * *

Rachel regrets a lot of things in her life. She regrets breaking up with Puck, letting Finn take advantage of her feelings, not punching every person who makes fun of her dads. She doesn't regret trying to kill herself though. It isn't the attention that she's getting from people, (but it is kind of nice for someone to listen to her and not scoff at her every word) or that she was necessarily going to try again in the near future. It's just that suicide is something that is hard to regret if you really wanted it; it sticks with you everyday afterward. It really is something that you do because you want or feel like you need to. It doesn't give gold stars or Tony awards; it gives you peace and sometimes that the only thing you really want. So Rachel doesn't regret it because she can't.

When Brittany arrives at the hospital she sees Puck outside of the waiting room just standing, listening to whatever is being said inside. She understands why he's there and not fucking some girl or playing Xbox. Brittany even understands why he can't bring himself to go inside, not yet anyway. He has to convince himself that he didn't play a part in this and it's not his fault; he needs to figure out that she might actually want to see him. Maybe, just maybe he is a little bit of what she needs at this point. She knows that she can't tell him these things so she pats him on the arm and enters Rachel's room.

To say that Rachel is surprised at Brittany's appearance would be an understatement. Of all people the perky cheerleader was the least likely person to appear at Rachel's bedside in her time of need.

"Umm hi Rachel. Hi Kurt."

"Hi Brittany, fancy running into you here….Rachel say hi to Brittany"

"Hi….what are you doing here exactly."

"Oh, well, I just wanted to check in on you. Umm I had a cousin once. She was one of the smartest and prettiest and most driven people I've ever known, (besides you of course), and she killed herself. I was thirteen; it was before my family moved here. And she wasn't crazy but she still did it so I know that you're not crazy either. You're just sad and people say that I make them laugh…even when I don't say something funny. That's not the point though. I wanted to see you and to let you know that I want to help you get happy and be your friend because I don't think I could handle someone else I know doing that. It was horrible and…and…I don't know I just don't want you to do it. Okay?"

"Okay Brittany"

Brittany went over to Rachel's other side and took her hand. She stopped talking and held onto it like her holding it would make Rachel stay alive. Kurt just looked at her for the longest like he had never expected her to even be able to sound that sincere and caring. Rachel went back to staring out the window and saying nothing until

"I feel like there's something broken in me. Like I didn't come out the right way, like I was backwards or something. I don't feel things like I should. I've always felt too much; too much hurt and excitement and fear. Maybe not enough love from other people but I think my dads made up for that some. They love me so much but after awhile that wasn't even enough. I just felt so much until I couldn't feel anymore. I went numb and when you go numb nothing else matters. After awhile not even staying alive mattered. I knew that it would crush my dads but I couldn't quite grasp that I should stay alive for them; I still can't really grasp it. At least being numb dulled the pain that I always felt."

By the time she'd finished Artie had wheeled himself into the room and situated himself next to Kurt. He said nothing just letting Rachel say what she needed to get out and reaching out to hold onto her hand in a show of support for her and the way she felt. It was now or never, people were either going to have to rally around and support her journey from the dark or step back and let her slide in deeper. He for one refused to let that happen and from the tears in falling down Brittany's face and the ones Kurt refused to let drop they felt the same way.


	5. Chapter 5

One way or another, Rachel was going to survive. Not because she wanted to, not because she deserved to; she had to. She was going to survive because that is simply what she had always done and always would do. It might not have been the most proactive survival but she got through everything. She was a daughter, a student, a bitch, a friend, a lover, and a slightly crazy person. But first and foremost, Rachel was a survivor.

Kurt, Brittany, and Artie all knew this. The entire Glee club probably knew this. She had gotten through the teasing about her family, her dreams, and herself. So now they're the trio that will make sure she can survive this. Something like this is something that can't be conquered by one person. A person needs to know that people are standing by them and the three of them would make sure that Rachel would know this.

Rachel didn't know what to make of the people taking vigil at her bedside but they were there for a second day now. This time Brittany was painting Rachel's nails to match her own and filling her in on the latest gossip that didn't involve her attempt, Kurt was setting up flower arrangements because "you already tried to kill yourself do you need to be in a depressing room?", and Artie was just sitting quietly watching everything going on around him.

"Is anyone saying anything about me?"

None of her visitors knew what to reply to this and for once even Brittany didn't blurt out the first thing she thought of. Artie decided to answer first.

"There are lots of rumors. Some harsh and some not as bad."

"What are they?"

"Honey, I don't think you want to know."

"Kurt, you love gossip what are they saying about me? How crazy am I now?"

"The school held an assembly today talking about like suicide and its prevention. They talked about like warning signs and things. They didn't like mention you by like name or anything."

"Yeah Brittany but it was implied."

"Some people say you just wanted attention. Others say that it was going to happen eventually with what your life is like. One jerk has said it's because of your dads."

"Seriously? How can he blame my dads? They were amazing parents!"

"I know honey. People just don't want to blame themselves. No one does."

"Sometimes it's just the way things are supposed to happen."

"No it's not! Not for you! You're going be on Broadway and win and be amazing! You're beautiful and smart. You survive all these things. You're not supposed to give up!"

"Brittany…"

"No! You're the one who succeeds and becomes great like Artie or Kurt. You have to succeed. I won't let you be Aubrey. I won't let you do that to me too!"

"Calm down Brittany. Just calm down some."

"You have to promise me. Okay, promise me."

"Fine. I promise. Just stop crying before you hyperventilate"


	6. Chapter 6

Mercedes, Quinn, Tina, and Santana were sitting in the glee club room after their failed practice. They were all sitting in a daze until Santana finally spoke up.

"What would her funeral have been like?"

"Santana! Why would you say that?"

"Come on it was just a simple ques-"

"It would have been small. Her dads would cry and say beautiful things about how she was driven and should have been able to succeed like she would have if well you know. Magnolias would be every where since they were her favorite flower. Finn would probably cry a little and make a speech. Puck would be sitting in the back but he would leave immediately after the service. Some of the kids at school would feel bad but most would talk about how she was just a drama queen and deserved it…kinda like it is right now"

"Wow Quinn. How much have you thought about that? And how do you know her favorite flower is a magnolia?"

"I haven't really. It's just what would happen. For the most part life would go on but the people she affected would be really, truly affected. And in ninth grade we had to write about something we found beautiful. She wrote about the magnolia tree in her front yard and how she loved that the flower was perfect when it wasn't touched or messed with. Someone chopped all the flowers off the tree the next month."

"Okay"

"Do you think she blames us?"

"She can't blame you Tina. You never did anything to her but she should blame me; you too Santana. She should even blame you Mercedes. We all hurt her everyday. We took the gift she had and made it into something horrible for her to live with."

"It's just high school Q."

"And middle school and elementary school."

"Okay so we were horrible to her. What do you want us to do now? What is it that will change the fact that she tried to freaking kill herself? Hmm? What?"

"Well now we have to live with ourselves but you know what? She probably doesn't blame us. She probably is just saying that her doing that was just what made sense or something. But we can change the rest of it for her. Follow me."

Quinn led the other three girls into the hallway and down to where Rachel's locker was. People had been vandalizing it for years but in the last couple of day without Rachel cleaning it every morning before school the writing had piled up. Someone had written how she should have succeeded and another said they would help next time she tried. Mostly it was just words like 'bitch', 'freak', 'nutcase'. Quinn left them there reading and got some water and scrub brushes out of the hall closet.

Santana was the first to pick up a brush and start scrubbing but soon the other followed suit. It took more than and hour but eventually the words of hate and mocking were wiped away. Mercedes took a sharpie out of her backpack and started for the locker door. When they walked away the words "we love you" were written in big letters across it.


	7. Chapter 7

AN: All the story alerts and favorites that came immediately after the last chapter inspired me to write another quick one. Hopefully that can keep happening. I honestly still don't know where I'm going with this story yet. But I do love your support. In chapter 4 someone notice that I included a paragraph based off of something Effy said in the show "Skins". I did base it off of that but I twisted it into a mix between my voice and Rachel's. Reviews are great but not mandatory.

-H

Puck was standing outside of Rachel's room for her entire conversation with Kurt, Artie, and Brittany. The latter two had seen him when they had gone in but didn't make a big deal about it. Honestly he didn't know why he had even come. He and Berry had only gone out for like a week before she dumped him for the crying jock that was his ex-best friend.

He had tried to leave earlier but something had pulled him back. Something inside of him wouldn't let him abandon her…even if she didn't know he was there. So instead he slid down the wall and prepared to be there for a long time.

Rachel didn't quite understand what was going on with these people surrounding her; refusing to leave. After her brief meltdown demanding Rachel wouldn't even consider suicide again Brittany had returned to painting nails. Kurt was flipping through a fashion magazine and telling the girls what would look good on them while Artie was just thoughtfully staring at her.

It felt like she might be gaining friends but she didn't know what to make of them or their actions. The confusion was overwhelming for the first time in awhile the buzzing in her head seemed to quiet down and she could almost relax. The rumors at school were expected but still stung. After all, McKinley High School wasn't exactly known for an understanding student body.

Her life was still in complete disarray and there was still a part neither large nor small that felt suicide was an answer. Her dads wanted to send her to a facility where she could get "the best care possible while never having to give up the comforts of home", at least that's what the brochure said. It also had horses and meadows and other things that were supposed to make you feel calm and secure. It didn't make Rachel feel that way though.

The thought of being sent away was truly terrifying. If it happens then she'll be alone and have no one familiar to even think about being with. They would make her talk about every problem and dissect them like she wasn't even in the room; tell her what she has to do and push medications on her. Rachel didn't want to go off somewhere hours away for weeks; she just wanted to go home and curl up in bed.

Somewhere in the back of her mind Rachel knows that the triumvirate of oddly matched people in her room would never let her curl up and they probably wouldn't even let her out of their site long enough to go to the facility. Brittany would probably cry more and try to pack herself in a suitcase so she could go to. That is what is puzzling to Rachel. For some reason she knows that she can trust them to take care of her. After all they did and didn't do she just knows that they'll fight for her, even if she doesn't.


	8. Chapter 8

Here is the truth. When I started on this story I was planning to kill myself and I think in some way this was my goodbye letter. I am nothing like Rachel. I wasn't bullied but I needed someone to see what was going on and nobody did.

I did try to kill myself by the way. I overdosed on pills alone in my dorm a little more than a year ago and a girl who needed to borrow notes found me passed out. I was in a mental institution for a week and then left to rebuild a life I had destroyed after falling a deep depression caused by a sexual assault in my school's parking lot.

I am now leading a pretty normal life of work, school, friends, and my wonderful live-in boyfriend of almost a year. Something like what I did follows you. It haunts my every day. I am terrified of becoming that way again because it wrecked not only my life but the lives of my family. This story doesn't reflect me at my best mental state and therefore I'm officially putting an end to it. I hope everyone understands and I wish all of my readers the best. Thank you for reading.


End file.
